“Consider others more important than yourself.” This verse I learned as a little girl has shaped my life. It is a phrase that, to me, describes what respect means. Can it be taken too far? Of course, I believe it can. However, it has given me a perspective that has been one of my aims in life. It helps my ego not feel too weighted in relationships.
I remember wondering if this phrase could apply to parenting. I admit it is a pet peeve of mine when I see parents “talking down” to their kids. (I probably have not respected them very much :).) What might it look like to consider my kids more important than myself? It could look like celebrating their accomplishments or cheering them on when they’re down. Maybe it looks like giving them freedom to make mistakes and grow, being proud of them through it. What if I assume they will do the right thing, verses expecting them to fail? Respect definitely includes celebrating who they are instead of trying to force them into the “mold” of someone I imagined they would be.
What does it look like to consider my partner more important than myself? It could look like doing things that I know are meaningful to them. Or maybe I could let irritations go and celebrate all the parts of who they are, even the parts that are difficult for me. It could mean making time in a busy schedule to be with them or listening to them talk, because their words are important.
Respecting a coworker may mean sharing positives about them with the rest of the team or supporting them through highs and lows at the office. Taking a moment to share a smile and a “How was your weekend?” is respectful, as well as, paying attention to their interests and engaging around what you have noticed they care about.
Can I consider a family member who has differing beliefs more important than myself? I could avoid letting politics get in the way of a growing relationship with them. Maybe I remember their birthday and celebrate their kids’ milestones. Respecting them values taking opportunities to connect with them, even if it’s awkward; because life is short and they are more important than the issues we disagree about.
Who else might I have opportunity to “respect?” What would it look like to show respect to the guy with the cardboard sign at the end of the freeway ramp? How about the neighbor who has a Trump sign on his lawn or a Kamala sign? And the neighbor who has a pride flag hanging on their house? Consider a trans coworker? What about the person who doesn’t have their lawn as manicured as you’d like or who takes your parking spot at the gym or your pew at church? And the person who cuts in front of you in the Costco line? Do you respect the homeless person in the downtown doorway who’s high on drugs or passed out and smells like urine?
Who do we think of as more important than ourselves? Anyone? Everyone? In my most depressed moments, I think everyone, but I usually operate from the bubble of my own importance. To be clear, I don’t believe that respect requires a loss of myself. Respect of people includes a respect of myself. Prioritizing my own needs is important, so I have capacity to respect others. But respect doesn’t have to cost much. It can simply be a shift in thought or a surrender of a judgment. It may be free, but it is not abundant. On the contrary, it currently feels like it’s in short supply.
We are all people, each unique, who are incredibly complex, with different gifts. Respectful curiosity is something I need more of, and I wish it was more of a reflection of our society. Is there a person that comes to mind that you deem not “respectable?” What would respecting them look like? I have people that are not easy for me to respect. I am not suggesting turning a blind eye to people who have been abusive. However, I really hope to more generally practice “curiosity before criticism” and think about what considering others more important than myself might look like.
I am interested in your thoughts! Do you think “Considering one another more important than yourself” is a path of respect? Does that track?