I remember somewhere around 2012 when Rob Bell, the Christian author and pastor “came out” in affirmation of the LGBTQ+ community. I remember hearing about it, and mulling over it in my mind. I tend to argue and process in my mind, from as many angles as I can imagine, before I settle on where I “land.” I usually take the more cautious position, believe it or not, unless there is a compelling reason to do otherwise. I remember having a discussion with my husband. He had read Rob’s book, Love Wins https://a.co/d/hCIFnUr and found it compelling. I had not read the book. Perhaps I was afraid it would confuse my position on what love was. Also, I didn’t read as much in those days. I do remember rationalizing to Chris, “I would like to take the affirming position, as it feels more loving; but I would be worried that I might be wrong.” I do remember considering then what might happen if I was wrong. It boiled down to not making it to heaven and possibly leading others that way as well.

I worry about being wrong ALOT!!! I think about it at my job. I think about it in my marriage. I think about it as a Mom. I think about it as a “Jojo (grandmom).” I think about it as a friend. I think about it as a writer. I think about it as a creator. I think about it VERY often. I am not a miserable person :), but I am careful about what I choose to believe. I really do want to the right thing, because I still feel a deep responsibility to all around me (friends, family, coworkers, God, etc. ) not to cause harm. I do not want to be responsible for being a wrong example for others. In fact, believe it or not, it takes a great deal of courage for me to put these curiosities and opinions in front of you, because of this very real “weight of glory” as C.S. Lewis named it.

What I did not consider in 2012, when I was determining if I could join Rob Bell’s ideology, was what if my 2012 position was wrong? What if it wasn’t all about heaven or my responsibility to convince everyone in my sphere to go there? Or what if God made some people gay, because He is creative and likes variety? And what if it’s possible that gender dysphoria is real, and appropriate healthcare measures are a reasonable means to help a person become their true selves? What if it didn’t even matter what I believed about it? What if my beliefs on the matter had nothing to do with whether or not my kids “became gay.” or whether or not they would experience this gender dysphoria? What if the Bible actually meant something different than I had previously understood? What if the Bible exists by a very long process with many iterations, and what if those verses dealing with the topics of LGBTQ matters were interpreted by people who had opinions about it that were based on their own views versus a revelation from God? What if the Bible is more of a history book, where we can learn about God and people’s perception of him, and not a weapon to use toward everyone who doesn’t interpret it like we do? But I am getting ahead of myself.

I feel my search for rightness, after I fully faced the LGBTQ issue, brought me to the realization that I had been wrong. It helped me grow open to other ideas that challenge my beliefs. I remember when it occurred to me that maybe my community loved the Bible more than they loved Jesus or people. I wonder if “We teach the Bible” has become a more important statement than “We love others” or “We follow Christ.” Many “Bible believing” churches seem to have a clear view of what each verse means. They believe there are clear rights and wrongs, and if you don’t agree, you are judged.

Dear Church,

What if you are wrong?

I don’t know how to be in a place of certainty anymore, but I know that I aim to be in a place of integrity, humility, and justice more than ever. Whether I am right or wrong, I feel compelled to support my fellow humans, whether they look and act like me or not, especially in these times where diversity, equity, and inclusion are being scorned. Maybe it is time to take a closer look at our beliefs. Maybe it’s time to risk the possibility that we may have been wrong. It might cost you your community, but integrity, humility, and justice are worth it.

Consider those verses that aren’t being amplified right now, such as this one: Micah 6:8 “He has shown you, O man, what is good and what does the Lord require of you. But to seek justice, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God.”