All posts by Soapizia

Pride

Curious About “Knowing” Part 2

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In thinking about the “start” of this journey of mine, I felt the need to connect with my daughter to confirm that my memories were accurate, and to hear from her about her experience with such “knowledgable” parents 😅. It gave me an excuse to hang out with her on a beautiful afternoon while she tended to her booth. She sells stuff! Check out her website http://www.cailinrenee.com.

She straightened me out on a couple details of my previous post, and we just reminisced a bit. I asked her if there were things that loomed large in her memory, positive or negative. One positive that she shared was that we encouraged her to find a therapist, and we let her choose which one. I had been seeing a therapist for a few years by this point, and we had seen the value of therapy for any and everyone!! I was glad that was a positive experience, and therapy is still a valuable thing for our family! Cailin is now herself a therapist, helping young people through their own challenges! https://www.restresiliencerecovery.com/

Another thing she remembered was her dad saying that he was 95% sure about where he stood on LGBTQ matters, and he did not expect that his perspective would change on the topic. He delivered this graciously, albeit honestly; and he also is learning all that he did not really know. In fact, he is taking leadership this PRIDE month at his place of work, and I am so proud of his “out” leadership in this space!

Another thing we discussed was why I was even sharing this stuff? It is really personal stuff, and it is risky to throw such vulnerable experiences and memories to the public. She related as she also has put herself “out there” in posts, but we also discussed the value of contributing toward a more vulnerable humanity –thank you, Brene Brown, for bringing value to vulnerability! http://www.brenebrown.com

Ok, now to the rest of the story…well not the rest, but to the next bit. After Cailin came out, I launched into research mode. I had done all I had known to do to raise kids who would fit into the mold I knew was correct. Now my kid tells me that she doesn’t fit that mold. Wait. What?

I needed to make sense of some things.

I need to explain what, in hindsight, I realize was happening in my body– a little thing known as a stressor. I had built my safe little kingdom in my family, that created a space where I was viewed positively. (What people think is important to me– I admit, too important.) Our family was an example of a pretty pristine evangelical family, and we had the community to back that up. Also, I had a view of how my kids’ lives were going to work out, thanks to our guardrails of knowing. The new realization that I had a gay child challenged all of those things. My response to this “threat” to my “safety” was to pursue more knowing. I needed to get back my high place of knowledge and regain my comfort.

I started with the book Torn, by Justin Lee. It was the first experience I had with learning about someone who had grown up with same sex attraction, without any sexual abuse, in a Christian, loving environment. It was the first book that opened me up to all I did NOT know in this LGBTQ+ space. Check it out here: https://geekyjustin.com/books/torn/

Secondly, I read a book called People to Be Loved, by Preston Sprinkle. It was helpful, because it was a pretty sophisticated treatment of the 6 verses in the Bible that deal with same sex behaviors. Also, the author was non-affirming, so I could learn from someone that I felt I could more easily trust. Check it out here: https://theologyintheraw.com/blog/2016/5/6/people-to-be-loved/

I also consumed podcasts by Q Ideas. Their podcasts claim to, “educate and equip Christians to engage our cultural moment.” I listened to a few of their current episodes that dealt with LGBTQ+ topics, and appreciated their seeming ability to be cool with the LGBTQ community but also stand on the non-affirming side. However, before too long, I found myself bored with ideas that were pointing to the non-affirming stance. I was in that camp for my whole 42 years of existence. I knew it. These sources were giving some interesting attempts at showing what my relationship with Cailin could look like, but it was lacking. Q Ideas Podcast here : https://qpodcast.libsyn.com/

Somewhere during this time I discovered a podcast by B.T. Harman called Blue Babies Pink. I loved hearing his voice as he bravely and vulnerably shared his experience of growing up a preacher’s kid and discovering his same sex attraction. Outside of the story of his sexual orientation, I really related to some of his questions that he asked himself throughout his journey. He seemed to be really trying to do the right thing, and understand what God wanted from him. I related to this. This podcast was really helpful in validating that I was not an indecent human for going on this journey. There were other solid, Christian people struggling with the narratives that we were supposed to just accept as truth. B.T.’s podcast is probably the resource I share most often, because I truly believe EVERYONE should listen to it, especially if you grew up Christian. Check it out here: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/blue-babies-pink/id1201971435

I want to pause here and explain what was happening in our family at this time. We were communicating with one of our elder family members and one of our other “couple friends”, who was going through a similar experience. Outside of that, we were keeping the whole thing to ourselves . Chris and I did not even tell our other kids. It was summer 2018, and we would not tell other family or friends until September of 2019. It was a very lonely time.

Cailin was attending school at UW, and we began meeting her in Seattle for dinner each Monday night. We were having something of a “LGBTQ book club,” learning with her. She shared with me at our recent debrief that she has friends who think we were “too much” in doing this. I imagine it does appear very controlling, but we did not force her to do it. We asked if she would be willing, and she was. I do admit, with regret, that we did not trust her to figure this out without us. I think our fears did incline us to want to be overly involved in it all, but she was so gracious. I think she was glad we were willing to learn. We also consumed any material that she sent our way. All that to say, we were all in a season of learning together; so many of these resources I am sharing were ones we read or listened to as part of that journey. I want to reemphasize that she was so kind with us in this whole process. I often mention in various posts her patience with us. She had already done years of research alone to bring her to the place of being comfortable with coming out. So, coming along with us on our journey was really a gift to us that we are really grateful for.

The next book I remember was God and the Gay Christian by Matthew Vines. We learned about Matthew Vines in a podcast that Cailin had shared with us, and he, like B.T. struck me as someone humble and willing to do whatever God called him to, in spite of his attraction to men. His book is a step further than Preston Sprinkle’s with regard to understanding the Bible on the topic. I think it was this book that made it very clear to me that I no longer could “know” it was wrong to be gay. I now felt convinced that the Scriptures were not as clear on the subject as I had originally thought. And I felt I could trust this guy, who had done so much work just to be at peace with his own existence. It made me sad that he had to do that work, and I had no business telling him he was wrong. He also encouraged me to advocate for my LGBTQ+ friends, because it was a really hard journey, especially as a Christian. Check out his book on his website here: https://matthewvines.com/

At this point I was further down the path of affirmation than Chris was. I remember the season where we were in different places, and it felt horrible. I remember when he was not sure if he could attend our daughter’s wedding. I really felt like that would be a deal breaker for me, and I hoped and prayed that we would come back to a place of agreement. I remember hearing Preston Sprinkle, the non-affirming author mentioned above, on his podcast advise parents to attend their gay children’s weddings if they wanted to remain in relationship. That was a relationship breaker for many that he had observed. I could not imagine not supporting this part of Cailin’s life, and I could not imagine watching her dad choose a different path. Thankfully, as I said at the beginning, it did not come to that, and Chris is one of Cailin’s BIGGEST advocates! Phew!!

It is time to share that the summer of 2018 was one of much prayer, probably more intense than I had previously participated in. I remember praying nightly, for many months, “Show me Your ways, God. Bring me clarity in this space.” I did not know anymore what I had thought I’d known. That tower of certainty had been wrecked. I had enough evidence from people on both sides of the argument for me to believe that the Bible did not say what I thought. And if it did not say those things, why could I not fully support my daughter. I knew that I could.

I read more books. Gay Girl, Good God, by Jackie Hill Perry; How We Sleep at Night, by Sara Cunningham; Unclobber, by Colby Martin; and more recently Heavy Burdens, by Bridget Eileen Rivera. I appreciated them all. Check them out here:

https://jackiehillperry.com/

https://www.amazon.com/How-We-Sleep-At-Night/dp/1499725388

https://www.colbymartinonline.com/mybooks#unclobber

https://bridgeteileenrivera.com/heavy-burdens-seven-ways-lgbtq-people-experience-harm-in-the-church/

I still like to consume things from both sides of the argument, but I now fully support the LGBTQ+ community with conviction. Why? What if I am wrong? I may be. I know now that I do not always know. I do not believe any of us fully know. It makes sense to me that not knowing leaves room for the faith, the hope, and the love that I have always assumed was necessary. If I know, why do I ever need to wonder, or be curious, or lean on something or someone bigger? I have consumed a-lot of information, and I continue to do so. This should lead me to knowing, right? But I find that the more I learn, the more I understand how hard it is to fully know. This feels honest. This feels open. This feels less arrogant. This provides space that humanity and God still have much to teach me. It actually is a relief, that I do not have to know all the things. But I get to fully love, embrace, and walk alongside ALL kinds of humans and learn from them too!

To be continued…

Pride

Curious about “Knowing” Part 1

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Fair warning. I am going to write about my experience as a mother of a beautiful lesbian over this Pride month, as I have time. I hope it will give others a glimpse into our experience and help nourish more understanding in a space that frankly, needs more perspectives.

Five years ago my daughter came out to me as gay, June 2018 (I wish I remembered the exact date). I have been thinking about this for weeks, and contemplating how my life has changed drastically since that moment.

I was comfortable in what I “knew,” from becoming a parent with her birth. I “knew” how to schedule feed her, so she would get a good night’s sleep– she slept through the night at 6 weeks. I “knew” how to teach her to memorize Bible verses, so she would subconsciously have a heart bent toward God (yes, we have videos). I “knew” how to teach her to read and write, although I remember her frustration and mine when I had her trying to write like a kindergartener at age 3. I did NOT know about developmental stages, but just assumed if I taught her she would learn. I shared my pro-parenting tips with others who would listen and verbally applaud (those people don’t applaud now 😅). I “knew” so much about how to be her mom. I did not. I knew very little, actually, as evidenced 20 years later. I am STILL learning to be a good mom with all my kids. I still “know” little, but I know I love them (cue Aaron Neville 🎵).

Having a gay child had been a fear of mine. I wonder if it is a fear of many Christian parents. The cost of it is high in this community. I remember warning her of it multiple times, as if it was something she could just slip into. We live in the Seattle area, which is very progressive compared to where we spent most of our lives. I worried that she might think it was ok, just because we lived here. But I know now it was not something she chose, especially in a family like ours. She was a strong kid, thankfully, but was a pleaser like her folks!

She had a migraine, so I picked her up from work that day. She was working for a drop in facility for sex trafficked women. She was particularly quiet and said, “I need to tell you something.” I said, “OK? ” Then she began to cry.

She couldn’t speak. She just sobbed. And sobbed. I asked questions until the truth came out. We sat quietly for the rest of the drive home. I made an immediate appointment with her at the fire pit once we got home, and then I sent a message to her dad at work, asking him to come home asap.

Being on this side of things, I feel so sorry for how I responded. I don’t remember being angry, or ranting. But my response was to be so personally overwhelmed that I went into execution mode. I needed to get some sort of resolution in my brain to this situation, and I was working through the motions of that process. I did tell my daughter that I loved her, but I wish I had told her that I was thrilled with who she was, no matter what. I wish I would have asked her if she was ok. I wish I had been in tune to her needs. I wish I could have appreciated the weight she had been under for the past 3 years, hiding from us because of what we “knew”. But I did not have that capacity. I just needed to “know.”

To be continued…

Thoughts

Does it have to be important? Mid-life for this Mama.

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As I approach the end of my first degree, hopefully in December, I feel myself wondering what is next. I will have a BS in behavioral health with a trauma emphasis, and there is something in me that thinks I need to go down that particular path. We have invested money in this degree. I have invested lots of time, stress, and sacrifice toward finishing it. I should do some important thing with it, right?

I was literally crying about it to my husband last night, bless him. I think my anxiety and depression really show themselves in times like these. I believe I need to figure out what I want. Then I struggle to decide what I want. Then I feel frustrated and sad that I don’t know what I want. I feel like all I know how to do is accommodate others and be a helper; but that doesn’t feel very special, and I do feel burnt out sometimes.

I don’t know why I feel such pressure. I think it is from myself. I never want to have any regrets, and I want to make the most out of the time I have been given.

Things were a little clearer when I was more “religious.” I would hear of a need, and assume it was from God, which definitely meant I should do it. I could help and help all the people that did not necessarily ask for it. I would feel good for helping and doing “God’s work.” But did it really help them? My depression is ever present, assuming my helping did nothing.

I honestly probably just need to get some good exercise! My brain is spinning, and I realize that I haven’t moved hard in awhile. I injured my calf and feel limited; but man I gotta get outta my head. Yep, it really could just be that. It feels like a huge crisis and a Joy hate fest; when really I just need to sweat it out.

I am learning about my feelings, and finally, at 47 years old, I am learning that they are temporary, thank God. Not the feelings of sadness that come with grief (although the intensity of grief settles over time too). But these feelings that I need to figure ALL of life out RIGHT NOW. AND look how messy my house is! AND everyone must think I’m crazy (which is what I will feel after posting this :’D). AND what if I AM supposed to do something “amazing,” but I am just LAZY or SCARED?!! Or what if I DO something “amazing”, but I get famous and CORRUPT?!

OMG. I am 12 again.

Time for some self compassion. I do have faith that there will always be opportunities before me that I can choose or not, depending on whether I believe I am well suited for them. I am not crazy, but I am human. I do not know all the things, and I never will. Remember those “Choose your own adventure” books that I would always read all the endings to before choosing? We don’t know all the outcomes ahead of time. We actually know very little. It is ok for me to try something and fail. I will learn and grow. It is ok to choose a job that does not suck all my emotional energy. It is not my responsibility to save all the people, and I have a circle of people that I can invest in that I already have deep relationships with. I do not have to help the whole world understand and accept the LGBTQ community or people that are different than they are (even though I REALLY WANT TO). I can contribute to that effort in different ways, but I am not responsible.

I AM a passionate person. I have BIG feelings about a lot of things, and I do LOVE bringing people along on those journeys when they want to be part of them. I have realized that it is harmful to force them along. Honestly, that is why I chose to have this blog. I thought it would give people who were interested in coming along with me a place to join me in my journey, without being bombarded with all of it on social media, without their permission. BUT maybe NOBODY will join. And it will be an unread journal entry. That is also ok, because I needed to go through the process of writing it out and calming myself in this way.

Maybe this has been helpful to someone. It is my most vulnerable place.

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Imagination versus reality, surprised by more capacity for love

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Christmas 2022

This year was my favorite Christmas so far! I had all my kids home for several days. Everyone had a good time, and no family feuds occurred, that I know of anyway :). Even my husband and I communicated well and functioned on the “same team”, which doesn’t always happen. Also, our family is different than I imagined when I was a younger parent.

I am a mom that is “dang crazy” about her kids! I think that they know this, and of course I know that they are not perfect; but I truly think they all are AMAZING people! (Their partners are excellent too ❤️). If I told them how often I consider how cool they are, they would definitely say I was being “weird.” Suffice it to say, I am SO proud of each of them!!! But my awesome family looks different than I imagined it would look.

I remember being a young mom a lot of years ago. We invited a pastor and his family over for lunch after Sunday church. This man so clearly De-LIGHTED in his kids! It was inspiring and deeply blessed me. He would say, “_______, show Joy and Chris how you _______,” or “__________, tell Joy and Chris about when you __________!” I decided then that I wanted to be THAT kind of parent. He delighted in his kids like I hoped God delighted in me. I wanted my kids to feel that from me.

My family is not perfect. But we all love each other. I expect we do not all agree on all things. But my hope is that we all feel like we are in each other’s “corner.” The world is a difficult place. Home and family should be safe.

What have you imagined life would be like? Could you have fulfilled those dreams? Why didn’t you? Was it because you couldn’t or did you choose not to? Maybe it required some grieving, or you still need to find space for that? Or maybe your heart has grown 2 sizes like the Grinch :). Maybe your family is not what you imagined, but maybe it feels nice, with more room for love and curiosity.

I do not believe our imaginings for ourselves and others are likely to EVER turn out like we imagine. WHY? Because we are changing and so are they. And we are us and they are them. We may try to make them us? But they will always be them. We can clinch more tightly for control, or we can start asking questions about why we are grasping so desperately. We could lean in and learn more about who they are.

It takes me awhile sometimes to relax my clinched fists and find respectful curiosity; but when I do, I find capacity for things like understanding and empathy, peace and love, surrender and acceptance of myself and others. These remind me of a familiar list: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, faith, and self-control. I am grateful for it. Here’s to even less fist clinching in 2023.

Respectfully curious with you,

Joy

Thoughts

Working toward being “non-binary”

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This title comes with a small shock factor for those who may know me. I am not referring to non-binary in the gender space, and I do not intend any disrespect to those who identify as non-binary. I think it is an important, scientifically proven gender term; and I have several people in my life, whom I love, who identify as non-binary.

What I am referring to is binary thought. I wonder if my exposure to fundamentalism encouraged me to think in a more binary way. “This way is right. This way is not.” Things cannot be both ways or nuanced. It’s too dangerous. I do not know if this teaching was intentional, but it definitely jived with my ideas of safety and rightness. As an anxious kiddo, I was happy to have the clarity of do’s and don’ts.

It feels good to know something is right and do it. I think there are many good decisions. I think there are many bad decisions. I like to think I make good decisions mostly, but the reality is, I make plenty of bad ones all the time. For example, today I kept sinking into a social media mind meld when I should have been doing homework. But is that bad? I paid for it when my homework took me way longer than it needed to, but nothing really bad happened to me. I finished. Maybe my brain lost cells, but this extrovert has been in a VERY quiet house all day. I think I enjoyed interacting with my cyber friends. This is just one example of a not so clear “bad decision”.

Salad ?

I think there are TONS of examples like this. As I grow older I feel like there are more and more things in this “non-binary” space. It’s not good. It’s not bad. It’s just a choice.

Or cookies?

Sometimes I have had a tendency to think that if one way doesn’t work the way I imagine, it’s a bad decision. I put it on the “bad decision shelf,” and hope never to access it again. Or if it’s a method that works for me, I put it on the “good decision shelf”, to be accessed regularly. I may even put a big label on it that says “HOW TO LIVE YOUR BEST LIFE” or something like that. And because I have learned well how to evangelize, I may even share ALL about it with anyone who will listen.

It is really great to find something that really works well for me! It feels so good too if others see it and applaud. It feels good until it doesn’t.

It stops feeling good when everyone does not use my “good decision workbook.” Even though I have made it beautiful and very accessible, they have their own methods that they choose.

But why? Do they think my method is a bad method? Do they think I am stupid? Do I think they are missing out? Or wrong? Or bad? Is there another secret reason that they don’t use my “best life manual?” Hmm. These shelves are causing trouble.

Perhaps they are just different people than me. They like different things. They like meat, when I like veggies. They like competitive games, when I love a “get to know you” game. They may choose television over a walk. This one is hard for me, because I may really think I have evidence to back up that a walk is better. However, sometimes I could use a break, sitting next to people I love, experiencing a show together. A walk can be a good decision. But it turns toxic when it becomes an obsession. Television can be a bad decision, but it can also be an experience filled with memories and love.

So, I am working to be comfortable with trying things and deciding, what are good choices for me in the moment? What does it look like to be kind to me right now? What does it look like to be kind to you? I am trying to be open to both/and verses either/or. It is a more peaceful space, with less judgment on others. It gives me opportunity to try new thoughts, consider others’ perspectives, and be reminded that my way is not THE way.

I still like to have things that are clear, and I believe growth gives everyone opportunity to find those good decisions for themselves; but after 46 years, I am really ready to try to let go of needing to make a HOW TO manual for myself and others to live by. It’s so exhausting! And it is not a place of much respectful curiosity.

I wonder if my new method of thought is a good decision ;). Happy 2023, Friends! Thanks for reading!

El Camino

What to share?

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We are benefitting from a rest day today, and I have nothing but time. It feels so nice. However, it’s interesting that I am struggling to decide what to share.

While walking I feel so inspired with ideas. I think about being grounded and present, with the sites and smells and sounds, and how this is something so available on the Camino! Or I think about the hard climb I’m doing (actually happened yesterday). I think how life is really a climb sometimes, but small, determined steps get us through it. And the views at the end fill me up to bursting! Or I think about how is it possible that our bodies are still going after so many miles, and is it just mind over matter or are we causing damage 😳?

Post climb view!! Worth it!!

I also finished an audio book yesterday that my father in law recommended. It was called Anxious People by Fredrik Backman, and I really enjoyed it. I have read another of his books, A Man Called Ove, and I loved it as well. There were a couple of phrases that stuck with me yesterday as I walked. Both books I’ve read of his are set within an unlikely community of people. A paraphrase of the first comment that struck me is, “And since they had all learned a bit of each other’s stories, they liked one another better.” THIS I’ve experienced in life and on the Camino. Maybe you have too?

The “Iron Cross.” Many pilgrims bring a rock, representing a “burden” that gets left here. It’s a very moving part of the journey for many.

The other idea that stuck out to me in the book was mentioned this way—again, I’m paraphrasing— “It seems to me that not knowing is a very good place to start.”

I have been in a season of getting comfortable “not knowing” for a few years now. I’ve seen harm done and experienced some “hurtful” things myself from people who believe they know. This has made me wonder, “Who of us actually KNOWS and what makes us so sure we are right?”

Perhaps you’ve been curious about these things too. I’m kinda weary of HAVING to be in a place of knowing, mostly because I’m tired of the hurt it’s caused. I wonder if healing for these relationships may be in the “not knowing?”

This season on El Camino has been SUCH a gift. I really see it as such! My faith in God, in myself, in humanity has been given a giant boost! We are experiencing the most beautiful sites of creation (natural and man-made), alongside the very tangible pains of the journey, while being inspired by ourselves and other pilgrims. I am not stressed about what I don’t know, but I’m filled up with beauty and hope and love and gratitude. Life is beautiful.

“Santiago cake”- brings good luck to those who eat it!

Our rest day has been so nice, and we have just one more push of 6 days to the end! We’re in a beautiful place, listening to the jingles of cow bells as the farmer and his barking dog herd them down the street out front. It’s simple and lovely. I hope I can bring a portion of the simplicity home with me. I have grown to love the Spanish people and their way of life. It’s so kind of them to care for us along our path. Next time my goal is to be able to communicate more than just my order of “tortilla y te negro con un poquito leche.”

Well, this has been a bit of a brain dump. It’s what happens to me when there’s “space” in my day, which is why I thrive in busy. It’s the real me tho. Until next time. Buen Camino!

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Simple but hard

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The last few days and really every day of El Camino can be described as simple but hard. We have to get ourselves from the starting point to the destination, and we have to find our place of rest and food. It’s pretty basic.

However, yesterday our reservation got overlooked, so we arrived in a very small town with no place to stay. After calling everywhere else, our only option was the church location run by volunteers. Thankfully they had space for us. We’d had a significant climb, so we didn’t feel up to walking to a further village.

Instead of a private room like we’d reserved (see, we do enjoy a private bathroom now and then 😊), we ended up in another room full of bunks with about ten other pilgrims. It worked out fine, and we were so thankful to have a place.

Today we set out early. We had been told that it would be the most difficult day we had ahead of us. There were miles of steep downhill, rocky trails, that were hard on the feet and knees. We managed to survive the long day. We were joined by friends for part of it, which is always a good distraction.

It was hard, but it was simple. There were not many decisions to think through, except the knowledge that one foot in front of the other is the only way to get to our nice bed. It wasn’t complicated, however each step getting there was felt in a tangible, even painful way.

Sometimes, in my normal life, I get so stressed about which path is the right one. This Camino journey has been really stress free in a strange, but refreshing way. It has reminded me that most of my life is really about the discipline of putting one foot in front of the other. Those steps might be hard and painful, but I think I often have more clarity than I want to admit. It’s just a matter of pushing through the hard, obvious work ahead with confidence.

It’s hard, but simple. And dang it if there aren’t a thousand beautiful things to behold along the way, if I don’t forget to keep my eyes open!

Until next time, Buen Camino!

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Magic of the Camino

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At the risk of sharing Camino secrets, I have to say that today and yesterday have held some very special moments. Both days we have stayed in the common sleeping spaces verses staying in a private room. Both days we have had dinner, provided by our albergue host, around a single table with our fellow peregrinos.

The Brazilian words for “Just for today”

There are lots of opportunities for “magic” on the Camino, if we are open and willing to receive it. It also comes with some small costs, just like real life.

Other perks of shared rooms are interesting ways to stretch your weary legs

What is this magic? It’s a table full of pilgrims all making this journey for a variety of reasons, from 5 different countries, laughing together! It’s an albergue host, telling us about the stone she left at the cross during her own Camino, after crying daily for her father who had passed. She said a weight was lifted that day, and she was happy the rest of her journey. She lived in Brazil at the time, but moved here to open an albergue to serve other peregrinos. “Just for today” is the English translation for the name of the albergue, and it’s an appropriate mantra for El Camino, as well as our time in her home.

The incredible cathedral here in Astorga

The meal she made for us was so special and delicious, maybe my favorite of all we’ve had. As we ate we discussed the fact that we are in our last 10 days. One lady at our table was a lady we roomed with the very first evening. We talked about those first few days, and how it might feel when we get to the end. She said sadly, “I may never see you all again.”

Our happy table this evening

People bring the magic. Our individual journeys, shared experiences, and beautiful moments together. It cost us a little alone time and some euros. But it was so beautiful and powerful. We had a similar experience last night.

Beautiful breakfast served to us this morning with a hug!

You don’t know what you’ll get in these moments around a pilgrim table, but I’ve been glad to have taken the risk. I hope to take this practice of being more “open” home with me.

This guy needed some love last night!

Buen Camino!

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Back to the grind

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El Camino is a task that doesn’t diminish without effort. Our guys left, so distraction is less. There is nothing for us to do but finish this thing.

Headed out of Leon this morning

The last week or so we have been in “the Meseta”. It is the plains of Spain, thankfully without the rain this time 😊. It is pretty in a simple way, but not as breathtaking as previous sections. We also have had our fair share of heat and flies in this portion.

An interesting church we passed by today

Can you believe we have only 290 ish of 800 kilometers to go? Our bodies have held up, for the most part. They ache in places, but we realize now that that’s part of the journey.

Some days feel long, but overall, the time has passed quickly. It feels like we still have a good chunk left, but I feel more confident that we will finish. It’s nice to have that fear of not finishing start to lessen.

Cool building as we left Leon. There are SO many old, beautiful things still in tact.

I’m lying on a bunk bed, after showering and washing some clothes, smelling something aMAZing that is going to be dinner! My dear friend is with me, we have 10 days left, and feelings are bittersweet! I know there are still wonderful things yet to come on this last third of our journey, even if it’s more of the same.

Cool murals like this one are throughout the journey!

Because the same is actually pretty awesome: people together on a journey of healing and self discovery, bodies and minds growing stronger in spite of the pain, learning the “grind” is full of beauty, discipline, and renewal. I’m beyond grateful.

Our “ home” for the evening

Until next time! Buen Camino!

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Curiosities of the Camino

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I thought it would be fun to share some things that you might not know about this journey. At least these are some things that have been interesting to me!

We walk and talk with all kinds of people, and sometimes we walk alone. The Camino has proven to draw a very diverse crowd. You might think it would draw a particular type of person, but reflective of reality, ALL types of people choose to do this pilgrimage for ALL types of reasons. We have come across old and young, a variety of religions, non-religious folks, gay and straight people, professionals and unemployed, tour groups and loners, as well as a representation of many different countries. Reasons to walk El Camino span everything from finding peace after a loss, to accomplishing something challenging during retirement, to acquiring atonement for sins, finding oneself, and more. Fitness levels are not a thing to be judged. In fact, so far I have counted 18 men with white hair who “sail” past me on the Camino (it’s a game I’m playing). I guess that probably says more about my fitness level 😂 than theirs. Bob in the below pic is 81 and retired military. He also moved past us after visiting for awhile.

Mealtimes aren’t normal for me. Lunch is 2-3ish and dinner isn’t until 7:30 or 8pm. Also, don’t think about shopping for toothpaste or anything else when you arrive to town mid afternoon, because everything is closed due to siesta. Remember learning about that in Geography? It’s a thing, and it’s been inconvenient on a regular basis 😂.

Sleeping in a big room with all your pilgrim friends, all genders, is very normal. Yes, you’ll be serenaded by snores, tossing and turning, coughs, etc.; but you’ll be so tired that you will get some sleep.

Sometimes there are all gender bathrooms, and it’s not even a “thing.”They aren’t called “all gender.” The Albergue we’re I’m currently staying is not the first where I have been “doing my business” in a stall or taking a shower in a stall next to a person of a different gender. It’s very normal, and it would be weird for it to make me uncomfortable. So it doesn’t 😊. Occasionally a door doesn’t even get shut 😂.

The pharmacists here seem more like nurse practitioners. I expect our pharmacists in the U.S. are as capable, but the pharmacies here are purely focused on meeting medical needs. You can be sure that if you’re suffering from an ailment and you have an interpreter (or Google translate), you will leave with items meant to fix you! (On a side note, my blisters are healing well, thanks to their “miracle ointment.”) However, don’t expect to find a snack to hold you over until 8pm dinner, because you’ll be disappointed. It’s not CVS!

This pilgrimage has been a practice for many “Peregrinos” for over a thousand years. Many of the towns we walk through are very small and likely would have no livelihood without El Camino de Santiago. The Spanish people are very kind and gracious to us now, as they have been for centuries. For example, this bridge was commissioned by a queen 1100 years ago for the pilgrims to have an easy path in and out of the city.

Another type of encouragement that we get from the locals is the occasional “beep beep beep” of a horn as they drive by! It is a treat on a hard day, knowing they are cheering us on. Also, there is the occasional food truck with bananas, boiled eggs, and even fresh orange juice! It is so awesome to round a bend and encounter one of these food trucks!

Meals are cheap here, especially when purchasing the “menu of the day!” Tonight I paid 12 euro, which equals close to $12. I got a bowl of pumpkin soup, delicious bread, chicken, salad, vanilla pudding, and wine! It will be tough returning to the U.S. prices for restaurant food!

I hope these curiosities have been of interest. They don’t include all the new things I’ve encountered but are several things that I have thought unique to this experience.

Our big news for today is we passed the halfway mark today!! We have traversed over 250 miles of the Camino!! There was something that felt really great about being over halfway done. And Chris comes tomorrow to experience a few days with me! Lance joined us yesterday, and will be here for a week. It’s great to break up the trip with some favorite visitors!

Until next time, Buen Camino!