All posts by Soapizia

El Camino, Thoughts

Shortcuts Are Not Often Helpful

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Allowing space to grow

I have had lots of time to think as I have been training for my big trek across Spain, the El Camino Road. Yesterday I walked for four plus hours listening to my audible book for half of that time. The book was heavy – a collection of stories about mountain rescues. The author describes her angst, ever so vulnerably, as she describes the sacrifices that she makes on a regular basis to save lives or carry a body out of an avalanche basin or floor of a waterfall. Her story is powerful, yet I wonder if it’s worth the cost. She also wonders.

Before I walk I get a request from someone. They ask if I can send them some money, because they have none. They would like to get out of their hard space. I have helped this person many times before. They don’t like hard places, and I don’t like seeing them in a hard space. I have the ability to rescue them from their frustration and it’s hard to say no. Why should I have when they do not. I have the means to help and I have before. I have helped and given in a way that made this person have so many more opportunities – several times actually. If I help , won’t it give me an opportunity to speak into her life? To share with her what I think she needs to know about how to live her life?

Well, here’s what I’ve learned. I do have some of what she needs, but I cannot give her a shortcut. She has to experience all the hard steps of her life before she can have the clarity to know what she really needs to move forward. My getting her out of a frustrating day will not help her grow. I am not suggesting we don’t help those in need. I wish I could encourage everyone to open your eyes to the people right in front of you who you can bless. But I am finally learning that money does not buy happiness- not for myself or those I share it with. It can do some good things. But it can also be an unhelpful shortcut.

I had 4 hours to walk yesterday. I could have taken a shortcut, but I would have cheated myself from the last hour, when I listened to music and sang “I will always love you” at the top of my lungs. I was thinking of my friend who asked for help. I was wondering if she felt loved or rejected. The truth is, whether she knows it or not, I will always love her. No matter how many times she gets herself into bad situations. But I long for her to tune in to her “hard” long enough to gain clarity, understand what she needs, pursue it, and ultimately grow.

I will be walking for five hours each day of my long trek in the fall. Yesterday I walked four and my legs ached at the end. There will be alot of time in those days, and that will be one of the hardest part I think. It is difficult to be quiet and alone with our thoughts. It is lonely. I have wanted to be rescued from that space before, many times in the last 9 months, with a recent empty nest. It sure feels better to find needs and to answer everyone’s requests for help. I feel more valuable and wanted and purposeful. But I wonder if I need to be more slow to rescue, if there might be more opportunity for growth- if I am helpful in other, less monetary ways. I hate to sound like I think I know what’s best for someone who reaches out. I do not. But I do feel more comfortable digging deeper and looking for other ways to be present and helpful? Maybe?

Maybe I need to just continue practicing searching out the right response. Maybe my next response is a resounding “YES!!” that launches me into a space of hard work and sacrifice to help another who’s in a hard spot. For sure that is possible! But I know that just having some time and space helps give clarity and wisdom on what I need, what they need, how much is required for this situation, and how helpful it will be. I need time and space, even though it does not always feel as rewarding as helping.

We each have a bucket of GROW, I think. And GROW takes lots and lots and lots of time to absorb. I don’t want to have someone tell me that I can skip it by taking a vitamin or doing a workout or reading a book or taking whatever shortcut. That is not true. I want to learn all I can from every moment I am given. And I want those around me to too. So I should be careful to be mindful of robbing others of their opportunity to soak up their GROW, even though it will be hard. I will be careful of shortcuts, because shortcuts sometimes can steal the best parts of GROW.

This is hard, because it creates many conflicts in my own heart. Again, this blog is as much of a space for my own processing as anything. I may be the only one who understands it, but I am ok with that. Stay curious about your own musings. If you do not have space in your days to think, look for the ways to make some. Maybe there is a shortcut present that is robbing you of some GROW time?

Curious with you,

Joy

This pic was the last portion of a long hike my sister and I took last week, after learning we were not able to take the “shortcut” boat back. Six extra miles but the most beautiful bit!
Thoughts

Do you have a superpower? Are you using it?

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Trying to remain respectfully curious in a time of social media warfare

I might have found my superpower. Do you know what yours is?

Yesterday was so powerful for me. Perhaps it was for you too?

Lots of people have been celebrating while others mourn. Social media is the battleground. I spent 30 minutes on social media yesterday, and I spent 3 hours on Capitol Hill yesterday. My time on Capitol Hill was life-breathing for me. My time on social media was soul sucking. I would love to share a bit of my experience and process here with you.

A big thing happened in our country this week. Roe v. Wade was overturned. This is a huge victory for many of my loved ones and a huge loss for many who also are dear to me. Are you wondering where I stand? I am happy to share that I am pro-life and pro-choice. Are you frustrated with that response? Politics is NOT my superpower. “I am a lover, not a fighter,” is something I say often. If I am fighting, you can know I am in a place of stress, not health. Fighting wrecks me. Discussing with curiosity is about as close to debating as I get. My adult self shuts down, and my child self shows up.

No, my superpower is connecting. Yesterday I had the opportunity to participate in my first PRIDE festival. Our church, Mission Gathering Bellevue, had a booth there, reminding the LGBTQ+ people that they are loved. I have seen photos of moms giving out hugs at PRIDE festivals before, and I always thought I might like to be that person.

So, yesterday I had that opportunity. I stood in the sun and offered sweaty hugs to any who wanted or needed it. Turns out, a LOT of people wanted and needed hugs yesterday. I don’t know how many, but whenever I had the sign out, for probably 2 hours, there was a steady stream of people to whom I embraced with all that was in me. I told each one, “You are loved and celebrated.” They hugged me fiercely back.

Many stepped back and wiped away tears. Others said, “I think I might cry.” I was emotional the entire time. They needed it. I needed it. Maybe we all could use tight, accepting hugs right now. I locked eyes with others who looked like they may want a hug, but did not have the courage to leave their group–there was pain on their faces. I am not making this up to conjure emotion. Tears fill my eyes remembering them. I wish I could have given them a hug! I hope my eyes communicated love to their souls.

I know that quick, deep connection is a superpower of mine. I honestly felt what I imagine to be the “healing power of Jesus” yesterday exuding from me. I cannot prove that it WAS the healing power of Jesus, and I am not here to claim that it was. However, people were moved; I was moved. It was a tangible feeling. I know that we each needed those hugs; and it was SUCH a privilege that I was able to be the instrument.

What is your superpower? It is a tumultuous time, and it has been for some time. I fear what may come in our country, mostly because I love people who have differing views with myself and one another. Also, I know we need love–good ol’ hug love, sit around the table with a meal love. It is so evident to me. I perceive the vacuum in my heart as I read through social media posts. In my hesitantly shared opinion, I do not believe we need more platitudes. However, I am trying to remain curious in these spaces that are not my superpower or comfort zone.

Maybe your superpower is politics or debating. Do we need people with that superpower? Absolutely we do!! However, if your superpower is something else, is it possible you could be causing harm by posting on social media? I am not making any assumptions about you here. I just know, when I scroll and I feel emotions like sadness, anger, frustration, disappointment– that is a signal to stop and sit in curiosity about whether this post or comment will be helpful or just make me feel better. I am not always successful, but often if I just wait a day, the “need” to share will pass and my social media friendships remain intact.

Human beings are so amazing! We each have strengths that have come from SO many unique experiences. To assume I know what your superpower is would be silly. Only you can be curious about that. So, take time in this season of tumult to consider what your place is in this crazy world. Do you receive life from arguing on Facebook? Some people do! If you are one of those people, are you being kind in your communication to your fellow person? There is not much that takes the breath out of my lungs faster than seeing people I value being disrespectful to others on Facebook. I believe there is a way to “argue” and drive change with respect.

I will be driving change with hugs, because that’s what aligns with my superpowers. You be you though, but be curious! Make sure you are being you! And remember, “with great power comes great responsibility”– wise words of Uncle Ben from Spiderman.

Remaining Respectful and Curious with you,

Joy

Resources:

MG Bellevue
Thoughts

Did Covid Steal Your Relationships??

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Remember 2019? Who were you hanging with?

happy diverse friends laughing with smartphone at home
Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels.com

Do you still talk to them? Have you spent time with them in the last year? Have you felt comfortable spending time with anyone this last year?

My relationships have changed drastically in the last few years. Maybe it’s just me, but it kinda feels like I am starting from scratch in many ways, My circle seems to have shrunk considerably. Why is this?

Did I grow distant, or did they? Were they believers in masks or not? Am I an anti-vaxxer, or am I boosted up? Do they believe that Black Lives Matter, or do they believe “all lives matter”? Did I protest on the street or on Facebook? Did they? Are they pro-life or pro-choice? Am I? Do they say “gay” or not? What did I say? Do they see what I post? Did I see what they posted?

I am respectful of all the views represented above, and I realize I am not representing all the conflicts of the last few years.

While in “quarantine”, did we feel or hear or see one another? Feel each others’ warmth in an embrace? Hear each others’ tone in our whispers or shouts on Facebook? See the look of understanding in another’s eyes when we chose to be vulnerable? Did we hear them say, “I get it” or “I cannot imagine, but I’m here for you”? We lost much of that.

And maybe that loss makes us scared.

Are we scared that those old friends are no longer who we thought they were or scared that they are not “our people” any longer. Maybe we’re scared that they have become liberals, or scared that they have become conservatives? Perhaps we’re scared that they don’t even believe in God anymore? Are we scared that we cannot be comfortable with them any more?

Can we bring ourselves to engage again? All those that unsettle us, because of what they shared on social media…..Will we ever be together in a room again? I hope so. Can we talk like we used to talk? Maybe not.

But might we be respectfully curious? Are we able to kindly ask questions? Will we try to understand why? Can we let people be human? Is it possible to let them have their reasons? Will vulnerability find its place again?

I do not know, but I will continue to be…

Respectfully curious with you,

Joy

Thoughts

Respectfully curious about PRIDE

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It’s PRIDE month. Can we be respectfully curious about that?

I learned from my parents at a young age that pride was wrong. As I grew up, I learned from scholarly men that it was “a deadly sin”.

I became very afraid of being “prideful.” Was I sinning when I accomplished a task well? Was it wrong when I felt happy after someone gave me a compliment?

As a mom, is it OK to be proud of my kids? Was my mom proud of me? I think so, but I wonder if she struggled with the same things.

The word “pride” has been a complicated issue for me for sure. I said just today to my husband that I think we have pride that  gets in the way of a smoother marriage at times.

My oldest daughter is lesbian. She came out to us 4 years ago. I am so proud of her. She is an amazing young woman, who is a person of intense integrity.

I heard a man on a podcast the other day say something to the effect that having kids with integrity creates deep joy for him as a parent. When I heard this I related wholeheartedly.

I felt proud that all of my kids are people of integrity.

My daughter has been so patient with us as we grow more comfortable being proud of her. We have a lot of confusion around that word “pride”, after all.

I’m glad she is free to celebrate pride month. I’m glad we can be proud to be American. I’m glad I can be proud of my roots. I hope my roots are proud of me.

Is pride is one of those things that isn’t bad by itself? But when paired with judging others, whether it’s me judging, my family member, my coworker, my neighbor….Perhaps that’s when it gets ugly? I’m curious.

I used to tell my kids, “Don’t compare yourselves to others. You’ll either be sad that you don’t feel as good at something as others, or you’ll be proud and judge others.” Maybe this is the negative version of pride in both examples?

Are we human beings, worthy of respect? Are we capable of amazing things? When we embrace who we are designed to be?

Happy Pride, Y’all! “Be yourself! Everyone else is already taken.” –Oscar Wilde

Respectfully curious,

Joy

Thoughts

So many opinions, so little time: 5 reasons I decided to start a blog

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Are you wondering why someone as ordinary as myself would feel the need to contribute more information to this crazy world? Probably not, but if you were, that would be a reasonable thing to be curious about. I have been asking myself this for some time now, and I managed to think of 5 reasons to finally get started.

Reason 1: I need to journal.

Writing is therapeutic for me, and this will help me be disciplined with a regular cadence of writing. Processing through pen on paper gives me clarity, and sharing it gives me purpose. I have no expectations for what you gain from my blog, but I am certain that I will gain alot. So, while I am very curious about the responses you may have, the first reason I am doing this is for my own growth.

Reason 2: Perhaps I feel “called” to it?

This area is a space I am respectfully curious about. I had a Christian upbringing, and I have questions about how it impacted me. I believe it had some very positive effects on who I am today, but I do wonder if much of my life I have been pursuing too intensely THE purpose that will be the MOST impactful use of my “gifts.” I have experienced much anxiety and depression throughout my life, and I question whether my religious rearing may have exacerbated those challenges? Who knows what impacted what, but I am thankful to be growing in understanding of myself and my place in this world. It seems likely that my space of influence is rather small, but in case others can be helped by my words, I share them.

Reason 3: I have experienced some hard things.

Like most people, I have been through some difficult experiences that have shaped me. Some of these areas are now really important to me, and they are things that other may have questions about. I have a gay child, whom I celebrate! If there is anything I can do to help other LGBTQ kids or their parents, I want to be accessible. This will not be the key topic of conversations here, but it will come up from time to time. If my curiosities can be helpful to anyone else in this journey of LGBTQ understanding, it is worth all the effort.

Reason 4: Social media is not a safe place for questions.

Questions have been so valuable to me. They have given me a wonder that brings me peace and surrender. Is it possible to have life all figured out? I do not believe so. The freedom to as questions opens me up to understanding the deepness, complexity, and beauty of each and every human being. I want to explore questions and thoughts here, with patience and understanding. Social media does not give space for understanding and respectful questions. It is important to me that my contributions help provide time and space for safe conversations that promote understanding.

5. I am going on a very cool trip!

My best friend and I are going on a trip of a lifetime this fall. The Road to Santiago is a pilgrimage that many have traveled over the years. It has been a dream of mine for awhile, and it will finally be a reality mid September! I expect this trip is one that will provide much content to share. I felt compelled to start writing early, so I could practice blogging in preparation for the journey. This will not be a travel blog, but our trip is sure to provide many opportunities for respectful curiosity.

Training hike to Poopoo Point in Issaquah, WA

Thank you for tolerating this, my very first blog post. I appreciate your interest, and am so excited for many conversations around all the things that we together can be respectfully curious about!

Respectfully curious with you,

Joy