I’ve had a lot of fear in my life. It seems like fear is one of those things worth being curious about. I believe each person’s fear is unique to them and says something about who they are. Learning about a person’s fears can help us understand them better, and connect with them more deeply.

What are your fears? What can you learn about yourself from your fears? How can you learn to talk to the child inside you when those fears feel especially big?

One of my biggest fears is around losing relationships. I don’t want to ever do anything to jeopardize any of my relationships. This has created a boundary problem in my life, and is an area where I am always pursuing growth. I am slowly learning what that fear looks like when it feels big, so I can minimize “reaction damage”.

A fear that has popped up when preparing to do this pilgrimage is that I will lose my husband. So catastrophic, right?!

My parents hardly spent a night apart. It was important to them to physically be together. It was special for them, and that was my “normal”.

Additionally, teachings that I heard from a variety of people growing up was that there were many things in the world that were working against marriage and family. This incited fear in me, and a desire to avoid the marriage and family “destructors” they described. I felt responsible to try to be the perfect everything to keep our marriage and family thriving.

My husband has been traveling for his job, in growing amounts, throughout our marriage. This has sometimes triggered these fears in me. My fears sometimes lead me to big feelings which sometimes lead to big reactions. These reactions have been an occasional part of our relationship through the years, I’m sorry to admit.

Why am I so afraid of losing him? Has he given me reason to think he won’t be true? Nope. I believe it’s something I’ve allowed myself to believe through the years, and I’m working to eliminate it. Fear and the control response is not a good way to live. It certainly does damage to relationships!

Hopefully my husband will manage without me, as I have managed without him on many occasions. If we can’t survive this, it’s not because I went on this trip. We will survive it though, because I’m optimistic that we have a relationship that is built on years of teamwork and trust.

It’s cool if you have a life that gives you lots of physical time with your spouse or partner, and it may be a priority which is great. But if something changes, don’t let fear take over. You will be ok.

I wonder, is it possible that the biggest things working against our relationships are fear and the reactionary desire to control? I know that’s sometimes been the case in our relationship.

Don’t be afraid to get curious about those fears, and learn from them. I’m hoping to! Buen Camino!