This year was my favorite Christmas so far! I had all my kids home for several days. Everyone had a good time, and no family feuds occurred, that I know of anyway :). Even my husband and I communicated well and functioned on the “same team”, which doesn’t always happen. Also, our family is different than I imagined when I was a younger parent.

I am a mom that is “dang crazy” about her kids! I think that they know this, and of course I know that they are not perfect; but I truly think they all are AMAZING people! (Their partners are excellent too ❤️). If I told them how often I consider how cool they are, they would definitely say I was being “weird.” Suffice it to say, I am SO proud of each of them!!! But my awesome family looks different than I imagined it would look.

I remember being a young mom a lot of years ago. We invited a pastor and his family over for lunch after Sunday church. This man so clearly De-LIGHTED in his kids! It was inspiring and deeply blessed me. He would say, “_______, show Joy and Chris how you _______,” or “__________, tell Joy and Chris about when you __________!” I decided then that I wanted to be THAT kind of parent. He delighted in his kids like I hoped God delighted in me. I wanted my kids to feel that from me.

My family is not perfect. But we all love each other. I expect we do not all agree on all things. But my hope is that we all feel like we are in each other’s “corner.” The world is a difficult place. Home and family should be safe.

What have you imagined life would be like? Could you have fulfilled those dreams? Why didn’t you? Was it because you couldn’t or did you choose not to? Maybe it required some grieving, or you still need to find space for that? Or maybe your heart has grown 2 sizes like the Grinch :). Maybe your family is not what you imagined, but maybe it feels nice, with more room for love and curiosity.

I do not believe our imaginings for ourselves and others are likely to EVER turn out like we imagine. WHY? Because we are changing and so are they. And we are us and they are them. We may try to make them us? But they will always be them. We can clinch more tightly for control, or we can start asking questions about why we are grasping so desperately. We could lean in and learn more about who they are.

It takes me awhile sometimes to relax my clinched fists and find respectful curiosity; but when I do, I find capacity for things like understanding and empathy, peace and love, surrender and acceptance of myself and others. These remind me of a familiar list: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, faith, and self-control. I am grateful for it. Here’s to even less fist clinching in 2023.

Respectfully curious with you,

Joy