Allowing space to grow

I have had lots of time to think as I have been training for my big trek across Spain, the El Camino Road. Yesterday I walked for four plus hours listening to my audible book for half of that time. The book was heavy – a collection of stories about mountain rescues. The author describes her angst, ever so vulnerably, as she describes the sacrifices that she makes on a regular basis to save lives or carry a body out of an avalanche basin or floor of a waterfall. Her story is powerful, yet I wonder if it’s worth the cost. She also wonders.

Before I walk I get a request from someone. They ask if I can send them some money, because they have none. They would like to get out of their hard space. I have helped this person many times before. They don’t like hard places, and I don’t like seeing them in a hard space. I have the ability to rescue them from their frustration and it’s hard to say no. Why should I have when they do not. I have the means to help and I have before. I have helped and given in a way that made this person have so many more opportunities – several times actually. If I help , won’t it give me an opportunity to speak into her life? To share with her what I think she needs to know about how to live her life?

Well, here’s what I’ve learned. I do have some of what she needs, but I cannot give her a shortcut. She has to experience all the hard steps of her life before she can have the clarity to know what she really needs to move forward. My getting her out of a frustrating day will not help her grow. I am not suggesting we don’t help those in need. I wish I could encourage everyone to open your eyes to the people right in front of you who you can bless. But I am finally learning that money does not buy happiness- not for myself or those I share it with. It can do some good things. But it can also be an unhelpful shortcut.

I had 4 hours to walk yesterday. I could have taken a shortcut, but I would have cheated myself from the last hour, when I listened to music and sang “I will always love you” at the top of my lungs. I was thinking of my friend who asked for help. I was wondering if she felt loved or rejected. The truth is, whether she knows it or not, I will always love her. No matter how many times she gets herself into bad situations. But I long for her to tune in to her “hard” long enough to gain clarity, understand what she needs, pursue it, and ultimately grow.

I will be walking for five hours each day of my long trek in the fall. Yesterday I walked four and my legs ached at the end. There will be alot of time in those days, and that will be one of the hardest part I think. It is difficult to be quiet and alone with our thoughts. It is lonely. I have wanted to be rescued from that space before, many times in the last 9 months, with a recent empty nest. It sure feels better to find needs and to answer everyone’s requests for help. I feel more valuable and wanted and purposeful. But I wonder if I need to be more slow to rescue, if there might be more opportunity for growth- if I am helpful in other, less monetary ways. I hate to sound like I think I know what’s best for someone who reaches out. I do not. But I do feel more comfortable digging deeper and looking for other ways to be present and helpful? Maybe?

Maybe I need to just continue practicing searching out the right response. Maybe my next response is a resounding “YES!!” that launches me into a space of hard work and sacrifice to help another who’s in a hard spot. For sure that is possible! But I know that just having some time and space helps give clarity and wisdom on what I need, what they need, how much is required for this situation, and how helpful it will be. I need time and space, even though it does not always feel as rewarding as helping.

We each have a bucket of GROW, I think. And GROW takes lots and lots and lots of time to absorb. I don’t want to have someone tell me that I can skip it by taking a vitamin or doing a workout or reading a book or taking whatever shortcut. That is not true. I want to learn all I can from every moment I am given. And I want those around me to too. So I should be careful to be mindful of robbing others of their opportunity to soak up their GROW, even though it will be hard. I will be careful of shortcuts, because shortcuts sometimes can steal the best parts of GROW.

This is hard, because it creates many conflicts in my own heart. Again, this blog is as much of a space for my own processing as anything. I may be the only one who understands it, but I am ok with that. Stay curious about your own musings. If you do not have space in your days to think, look for the ways to make some. Maybe there is a shortcut present that is robbing you of some GROW time?

Curious with you,

Joy