Pride 2024, “mom hugs” with my friend

This year is the third consecutive year I got to join the Seattle Pride festival in order to offer “mom hugs” to the LGBTQIA+ community. Some months ago, a dear friend texted me and said she wanted to join me this year. She has recently experienced very similar challenges with friends and family since her daughter has come out, and she wanted to show her support as a mom. I was so happy to have her along, because she has played a special role in my life. I would love to tell you more about her. 

Kathy is a person who personifies welcome. I met her many years ago now at my very first Kindlingsfest. Kindlingsfest was a very unique experience. It was a gathering on Orcas Island that brought together Christians, artists, theologians, and intellectuals who were able to have hospitable conversations about God, culture and why it all matters. I credit my experience at these festivals with my ability to have kept my faith at all, because they gave me a lens that was broad and beautiful and free. 

I honestly don’t remember the year, but Chris had discovered this “ministry” through a relationship with Kathy’s husband, who founded this Kindlings experience. We lived in Indiana at the time, but Chris eagerly signed us up for this first Kindlingsfest. I had become a listener of the podcasts that were the foundation of the ministry, “The Kindlings Muse,” and I was excited to attend as well. Chris ended up having to do a work thing that week, however, and I invited my sister in law to join me. I was nervous about what this experience would be like, but I did not need to be. Kathy was there, and she welcomed my sister in law and me immediately. We were not as important as many others in attendance, but that did not matter to Kathy. 

That year was the beginning of a solid friendship that has never wavered. I also have grown close to one of Kathy’s daughters, and their family is one that is refreshing and fun and real. Being near them has been one of the best gifts of living in the Pacific Northwest. They are a model of curiosity and kindness, while they pursue the hope that we are created and loved. 

My first trip to Orcas Island after Cailin came out, I was in a shop downtown. Orcas is a small place, and it was not the first time that Kathy walked in to find me visiting her island unannounced. We were happy to see each other, and she did what she always does. She started eagerly asking me about the kids. Cailin was in college, and Kathy asked, “Is she dating anyone?” I am not a good liar, and Kathy totally read my hesitancy around how to respond. “Is she gay?” she excitedly asked with a huge smile. 

That moment is one I have remembered often. It was such a gift in an extremely lonely time. I was on the cusp of a very difficult season of relationship loss, and I was dreading the inevitable. Her enthusiasm for my kid’s uniqueness breathed life into me that has continued to be a source of healing. 

She quickly understood that I had complicated feelings, and she said, “I am sorry. This is probably hard for you. Let me give you a hug!” She hugged me and told me about these two friends of theirs, guys who were married with two little boys. She showed me the adorable pictures, and her celebratory tone brought trust. She and her family would remain friends on this long journey we were embarking. 

It brings tears as I write, these 6 or so years later, on the other side of so many friendships that are no more. But Kathy and her family are friends who have remained. And in June I attended her daughter’s wedding to an incredible lady; and she also is experiencing some of the pain that we have, because she fully supports her; and I now have the opportunity to remain a friend who is excited for her kids. 

And this Seattle Pride Festival, with all of its colorful people, got to experience my friend’s deep well of love and support as she hugged them tightly. I hope it’s something that can happen many more times. Because more people need Kathy’s in their lives.